Casting Hell 4: What Color?
by Lyonene
Summary: Mark stumbles onto his two least favorite wenches in the world arguing with each other. Just what are they arguing about? Why him, of course!


"Oh yeah? Well... well... I'll do it, I swear I will!"

What in the name was God had he walked into. Mark sighed, reaching up to scratch the top of his head and scowled. Yeah the glue will come right out, sure, and like a fool, he had believed those damn wenches. But thinking of glue made him remember just how he got it and he was still working with a therapist around the clock to suppress the memories of being forced into becoming a Christmas tree.

His attention was drawn back to the two women in front of him, arching an eyebrow at how red in the face they both were. Jaden and Lyonene, usually the best of friends (which was bad as far as he was concerned because they were royal pains in his ass, factor in the third member of the Evil Bitch Trio and he was in Hell), were about to tear each other apart.

"You will not!" Bellowed Jaden, gripping her red hair tightly; her hazel eyes about to pop out of their sockets any moment now. "You do it Ly and so help me God, I will DESTROY you! Understand me!?"

Not understanding what this little spat was about, he glanced towards TakrLuvr who was reclining on one of the ever present bean bag chairs, watching with an amused look on her face.

"That's it!" Lyonene shrieked, whirling around and stormed off to a desk that hadn't been there a second ago (he really hated this little fan fiction world of theirs, he kept waiting for the laws of the Universe to come into play and destroy it but even the Universe was against him), and picked up a pen, wielding it like it was a sword.

"You wouldn't!" Jaden growled.

"Oh yes, I would!"

"Lyonene..." Jaden rounded on TL for help. "Back me up here!"

TL raised her hands, shaking her head, still grinning like a Cheshire Cat. "Oh no, I learned a long time ago to stay out of the way whenever you two are going at it."

"Some help you are... LYONENE!" Jaden was positively howling, hopping up and down in place as Jacob Black and Edward Cullen appeared, both men looking confused and way out of place. "NO, DON'T, NOT MY JAKE!"

"Then admit that you're wrong!"

TL now had both hands clapped over her eyes, peeking through her fingers.

Mark could only watch as Jaden took a deep breath, apparently about to say she was wrong in whatever it was they were clashing over. He literally had to cover his ears when she began screaming every curse she knew and a few he had never even heard.

Shaking her head as if disappointed, but he did detect a gleam of malicious amusement in her eyes, Lyonene bent down and scribbled something else into her notebook.

Edward and Jacob suddenly turned what could only be described as 'goo goo' eyes onto each other, slowly walking towards one another as if in a lust induced trance, then they froze.

Jaden was turning green, but she recovered quickly. "Fine, fine, two can play that way. Just you wait..." She stormed to HER desk and moved so she was standing before her laptop, her fingers pounding on the keys.

TL let out a low whistle, shaking her head. "Oh shit, here we go."

Mark's coworker had just appeared. Shawn Michaels looked more than confused as he took in the room, eyeballing the three women and groaned.

"Not again..." He raised his hands pleadingly, turning to stare at Lyonene. "Please, no more, I'm allergic to candy canes now. The very SIGHT of mistletoe makes me break out in hives!"

"It's not me!" Ly shouted angrily, gesturing across the way. "It's that evil bitch!"

"Evil? Evil? I'm going to show you evil!" Jaden shrieked, her fingers flying once more over her keys.

Shawn slowly ran a hand through his already thin and balding hair, groaning when a clump came out. "No, not the hair!"

"JADEN!"

TL was officially lost in a giggling fit.

"THEN SAY IT!"

"NO!"

"SAY IT!"

As an answer, Lyonene wrote one line, underlining it three times.

Jake and Edward reached out for each other, beginning to work the other's shirt off.

"Oh you bitch..."

Shawn was crying silently as the rest of his hair all fell out.

TL suddenly spotted 'Taker and jumped to her feet, making a 'time out' gesture. "Whoa whoa whoa, I know how to settle this, 'Taker's here."

Jaden and Lyonene both converged on him.

Mark let out a very un-Mark-like scream as two pairs of hands started clawing for his face. Usually, he wouldn't have done this, not with these two as they had the unique ability to make his life a living hell, but... He pushed them both away.

Jaden and Lyonene both reeled backwards.

As this was a very serious situation, TL didn't even reprimand him. Instead she asked: "What color are your eyes?"

"What?"

"Your eyes, what color are they?"

Mark fingered the rims of his sunglasses, wondering if she was serious. "This is what you two are fighting about? What color my eyes are?" He actually began to laugh, ignoring the still undressing Jake and Edward, the openly weeping, bald Shawn.

"I say pure green."

"I say grey-green."

He began snickering.

"What the hell is so funny?" Jaden demanded, both her and Ly folding their own arms over their chests, staring at him with identical evil looks.

"You're both wrong."

"Excuse me?" Lyonene snapped, not sounding like her usual insanely giggly self at all.

"You heard me."

TL simply looked curious. "Then what color are they?"

He shrugged. "No idea."

"What do you mean?"

"Just that. You moron writers are constantly changing them. I've acid green, emerald green, fern green, stormy grey, grey green, red, black and even purple once. I don't remember what color they are naturally."

All arguments were forgotten, all three women glaring at him.

"Moron?"

"Writers?"

"You are in some serious shit."

He began backing away as the trio approached him, raising his hands up. "Look, I'm sorry, I'll just go back the way I came and we'll call it even, okay?"

"Oh no, no, no, no, no. J, Ly, why don't you go delete what you just did and we'll all make up over Taker Torture?"

He could only watch helplessly as the two bounded back to their desks, quickly fixing the damage they had done.

Great, just great, he thought. By laughing at them, he had united them and repaired their friendship. Just... great...

"I know!" A lightbulb literally went on over TL's head, her eyes lighting up with pure evil. "Let's cover his arms up... I have a whole BUNCH of Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony stencils."

"Oooh, we can airbrush!"

"I'll get the pink and purples."

"Don't forget red!"

Mark ran for it.

***

Patting his now back in his head hair, Shawn shook his head, standing between Jake and Edward (who were happily back to hating each other). "You know, usually, I hate it when Mark shoots off at the mouth."

Edward's butterscotch gaze was fixed on the big man, sighing sadly. "We'll send him a thank you card."

"You would." Jake snorted, rolling his eyes and then glanced over his shoulder. "Why don't we get out of here?"

All talking stopped and the escaping commenced. None of them felt the least bit bad about leaving Mark to his fate.

Ponies and all.


End file.
